December 23, 2009
I is so exhausted being goodYou am probably thinking "look at that lucky girl Shelby hanging out with her good buddy, Santa!"
You is saying that cause you am not a detective dog like me. That beautiful dog am not me! That am my brother, Jimmy!
You is probably looking real hard now and thinking, "Why yes, that is a boy dog. Jimmy is good looking but he doesn't have that feminine grace that Shelby has! But wait a second. That Santa. Why Santa IS A GIRL! Shelby was right again. There are ladies who have big white beards!!"
Now since you am my friend we already knows you am smarter than average peoples so you is thinking next, "Wait a minute! If Jimmy is visiting a girl Santa then who is Shelby's buddy!! Are there two Santas? I hope Shelby explains this. I am so confused!!"
Of course they is not two Santas. And you am silly for thinking they is.
Santa has to have him lots of helpers. LOTS!
Now I has proof that this girl Santa am not her the real Santa.
You sees something in there doesn't you? That am right Santa am holding her a CAT!
Now that cat am Nikki. As cats go she am a pretty good cat but SHE IS STILL A CAT! Santa would not her be hanging out with no cats cause everybody knows that cats am always naughty!
Here am how they am naughty:
1) They goes to the bathroom in the house
2) they does not shares they food with good dogs
3) When you is nice and bites they tails for them they hits you in the nose!
4) THEY IS CATS!
Since this girl Santa am asking a cat what it wants for Christmas and we all knows that you has to be extra special good to get loot from Santa the real Santa would not be talking to no cat!
<-- That am me working hard at being good.
Sometimes just lying real still am the only way for a fighting, tough dog like me to be good. It am so hard. Then I remembers something I does for you every year cause I is such a good girl who deserves her a good helicopter for Christmas.
You has either cheated and looked ahead or you am a great guesser so you know it am time for SHELBY'S GREAT CHRISTMAS LIGHT PARADE AND SHOW!
You should stop clapping now, so I can show these lights to you.
That picture up there am these guys who lives on my street. They am a boy dog and a girl dog. the girl and I has us some great bark fights. The boy he just kind of bark and runs around in circles. You knows how boys am.
This picture over there <-- am these guys who lives across the street from me.
I has no idea why they has them two trees! Maybe one tree am for good dogs and the other tree am for people. If that am so I can't figure out which am which!
I think they should has done just one really big tree!
See, we all knows that the reason for Christmas lights am to let Santa knows where you lives! A really bigger tree am the best way to do that!These guys got no dogs!!—>
This am the house on the corner. They don't got them no dogs either but you can tell they is embarrassed to not have no good dogs living there so they put up lots and lots of lights to fool Santa into thinking they does!
I kind of likes all the red lights and the pretend Santa and his sleigh. I hope Santa's real sleigh am bigger than that!! They isn't enough room in that sleigh for half the loot I deserves!
This house belongs to a little girl who likes to pet me. that am not the real Santa! It am only a statue. I knows cause I yelled at it. I yelled, "Hey Santa! It am me Shelby. What you doing there?" And he didn't answer! So I knows it am a statue. David would not let me smells it to be certain though.
And this am my favorite house! You can tell why. They has got them TWO DOG STATUES. That am so great! The dog what lives there likes to bark fight me but she always loses. She says, "One day I'll beat you Shelby! MERRY CHRISTMAS!"
I think the Dog statues would be better if they were black dogs.
So you remember to be good and to tell Santa that Shelby is a very good girl!
You has you aMerry Christmas!
A Happy Hanukkah!
A Merry Kwanzaa!
And aI hopes you gets some great Christmas loot!
I near forgot. I has special visitors coming for Christmas. Boy. Are you guys going be surprised when you sees who it am!
December 13, 2009
You only has to be good 11 more sleeps!You know how famous I is, so well spoken, so gentle, so beautiful and such a great fighting dog! Well, they is problems to be so famous that most of you don't know nothing about!
Like when I gets me a famous buddy like Santa all of a sudden everybody wants something1 "Shelby, can you tell Santa I need a new bone?" "Shelby, tell Santa that I've been really good!"
Oh, everybody they wants me to do something. It am because they knows that I has to be good and I can't bites they butts or even say NO! It am amazing what counts as being bad this month. It am really terrible. I really needs me that helicopter Santa am bringing so here I is; being good. It am awful.
So here am all these guys wanting me to ask Santa this and ask Santa that. A lot of them even wanted to meet Santa!
Now I is also a great scientifical dog and I has turned this into a study.
Now then this is Leo. Leo am him a boy. Leo wanted to meet Santa so that he could bite Santa and scare Santa into giving him all of the presents of Leo's list!
Only a boy would think that were it a good idea.
As you can see Santa am not him scared at all. I figure Santa am thinking, "Ho ho ho. Well, this a certainly a tough boy dog! But he won't bite me, especially when I remind him that Shelby is my friend! Not even a crazy tough boy wants to fight Shelby!"
<-- Now here am a boy, Axl. Axl am him smarter then you average boy! He may be almost as smart as my old buddy Ben!
Of course the world's smartest boy am about half as smart as the dumbest girl. I has proof of that.
Now Axl has him a a plan. He am going to be Santa's helper and when Santa am delivering all them toys to kids and dogs Axl will follow Santa around and gets to eat all the crumbs Santa drops from all them cookies kids leaves out!
I has to admit that sounds it like a good plan unless you am a girl and then you knows they is a better way!
This here smart girl am Gilda. Her smarter girl plan am this. She has figured that since Santa am him a boy Santa would has to take him some coffee breaks. Now Gilda will be his helper and when Santa goes him on a coffee break Gilda will say, "Go on Santa, you take your break. Don't worry about falling behind schedule. I'm already dressed like you! I'll just keep making the deliveries and no one will know the difference!"
See, not only will Gilda get called a good girl by Santa when she am delivering them presents she will get ALL THE COOKIES!
Gilda am a genius! She am almost as smart as me!
November 28, 2009
I has got to interrupt this great adventure to tell you something really really important and really really greatI hopes you all had you a good "Thanks For All I Can Eats Day." I hopes you all had all you can eats. I didn't. I never does. You can feel sorry for me for a minute. "Poor Shelby. She is the greatest eating dog that ever lived but mean old David is trying to starve her!"
Okay. You can stop feeling sorry for me.
I has got something that am really important. You know that "Happy All You Can Eats Day" is also the first day of "You Gotta Be Good Month!" A whole month when you has to be good.
Having to be good am very terrible.
But what can you do? I can tell you if you be bad you won't get nothing for Christmas and that am the worst kind of terrible. We all needs our Christmas loot let me tell you!
You am probably thinking to youself, "Boy, I sure wish I knew who keeps track of whether I'm good or bad. If that guy was my friend I bet I'd get tons of Christmas presents!"
I is thinking you am probably right which am why I is laughing cause I has got me a brand new best friend!
That am true. Santa Claus am my best friend.
They was some things that bothered me. You may not has noticed because you am not so smart like me. But if you looks you will see what I is talking about.
Does you see it?
Some of you am smart girls so I know you has seed it but for the boys I will tell you: Santa Claus am her a BOY!!
Once I saw a lady with a beard in a movie on TV so I was not too sure but I is now. Santa am him a boy!
I knowed it were Santa for real cause he spoke pretty good doggish. I said to him, "You am not Santa! Everybody knows that Santa am smart and generous and you am a BOY!"
Santa, him just said, "Ho ho ho!" That am the kind of answer boys says when you asks them a good question so I knowed it were true.
It am very hard to believe but there you have. Santa am not her a girl but her am a boy.
"Ho ho ho, I know you've been a very good girl, Shelby. What would you like for Christmas this year?" Santa said.
Now here am why I am a super genius. I knows boys. I also had me a list of stuff I need that am about 3 days long! Like I says, I knows boys and I know no boy, not even Santa could remember a list like mine. So I thinks super fast and I says, "Santa I is such a poor girl dog. I wants all my friends to be happy and they can only be happy when they am seeing me. So there am only one thing that I really needs and that am a helicopter!!"
Santa, him said, "HO HO HO Shelby!" which I pretty sure am boy talk for "Don't you worry Shelby, that helicopter will be waiting for you Christmas morning!"
If I were a bad girl, which I am not, I might say, "It had better be cause you may be Santa but you still has you a butt!" Since I is a good girl I just says, "thank you!"
I hopes you has luck in being good. It am very important.
Does you notice I is not hoping you be bad cause if you am bad than Santa won't has to bring you no presents so he will have more space to haul all my loot!
You notices I is not wishing that cause I is such a good girl!
And beautiful too!